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It has been a whirlwind of medical appointments in the past week and a half since I found out that I have a brain tumor. (More on my first post here.) I feel like I'm at UCSD almost every day now for some type of visit. I swear being sick is a full time job. Luckily I feel essentially "fine" minus sporadic headaches, so I am working for as long as I feel okay. I've talked to my company about disability and I'm going to push that off as long as possible since it will result in a 33-45% cut to my paycheck. Who can survive on that??
This Week
This week involves appointments preparing me for surgery next week.
- Flu Shot
- Pre-Op Appointment
- MRI
Today or tomorrow I need to get a flu shot. I've never had a flu shot in my life since I'm rarely ever sick, and I get a cold maybe once every few years and haven't had the flu since I was a kid. I know they say the flu shot isn't supposed to make you sick, but I swear friends and coworkers who have had flu shots always seem to complain about feeling under the weather.
My pre-opp appointment with the neurosurgeon is Wednesday morning. I'm assuming he will go into more details about how the surgery will go and how I need to prepare. In the hopes that his preparation directions include lots of pampering, I've already made a 2-hour massage appointment for this Saturday. Let me know if you want to sign-up for a time slot to rub my feet this Sunday. J/K.
Friday night I have my next MRI. This will be different from my first MRI since I'm being sent for an appointment with a specific machine. (Brainlab MRI with fiducials.) This MRI will create an image that will help with the guidance of the surgical equipment next week.
My Neurosurgeon & Neuro-Oncologist
Discussing Brain Tumor Research and Treatment
Discussing Brain Tumor Research and Treatment
http://youtu.be/ed0u847hfDA
Next Week
My surgery is schedule for 7:30am on Monday October 8th and I'm supposed to arrive at the hospital at 5:30am that day. Are you marking this on your calendar? Please, please pray for me that day. I'm afraid of surgery and pain in general. I have full confidence that my doctor is one of the best at what he does, but I'm still scared. I'm afraid of complications, and I'm afraid of waking up in pain. I will be in the ICU on Monday and Tuesday, and will be moved to a lower level of care in the hospital for the next day or so afterwards depending on how I'm recovering. The following week I will most likely be recovering at home (read that as catching up on years of Days of Our Lives that I've missed) and then the week after I anticipate going back to work.
Family Support
I am so fortunate to have the loving support of so many people, and we will have a full house over the next couple of weeks. David's mom is flying in on Thursday and saying for nine days, my dad is flying in on Sunday from San Francisco and staying for a few days, and David's brother is probably also flying in on Sunday and staying for a few days. Luckily my mom lives only 90 minutes away, so I'm assuming that she will be driving down each day. I'm so glad that David has family coming to support us during this time, not only to give extra support to me, but to be there for him as well. As my primary caregiver I know the next few weeks, months, years will be hard on him.
Facing Fears/Staying Positive
I've had so many people tell me over the past few weeks that I'm so strong and so brave. Am I? I mean I'm really scared of what is ahead. Does not crying every day about it make me brave? I don't really feel brave, I just feel focused. In general I believe you should focus on what you can control in life. I can't control the fact that I have a brain tumor, but I can control my response to it. I know I'm in the best hands at UCSD and I know I'm surrounded by so many loving people who are here to support me and help me get through this. I'm going to focus all of my energy on getting better, and praying that my surgery and treatment result in the best possible outcome. (Tumor be gone!!)
I watched this TED Talk yesterday from the local TEDx event I worked on a few months ago (TEDxAFC), and I think the essence of this message explains how I'm feeling. John Halcyon Styn talks about "Crap or Cone". He says that at all times in life you are holding a wonderful ice cream cone in one hand, and when you look down you see that you have your opposite foot in a pile of dog poop. Now - which of the two do you want to focus on?
TEDxAFC - Crap Or Cone
http://youtu.be/hkLM-IlwwPk
15 comments:
Hi Monika! I have had a flu shot every year for ages...never got sick so I'm not sure where this old tale came from...you'll be fine.
Hang in there girl...one day at a time..then it's all a story you can tell your grandkids.....Jim Taylor
I've also gotten a flu shot every year for the last 3-4 years (I'm 27), and haven't gotten sick off of them. I would say not to sweat that part too much!
I'll be sending all my love, thoughts and prayers to you next Monday!
I've got it on my calendar to pray for you, Monika! Especially next Monday at 7:30am. Would love to see you this week but I know you'll be very busy preparing for surgery. We're here for David as well. As you're recuperating post op and as you go through treatment, we will bring homemade healthy food for you guys! Lots of love from me and Todd. ♥
So impressed to see you deal with your crap AND focus on your cone. INSPIRING! ((HUG))!! <3
The Flu shot will be fine, I get them every year :-) It's ok to be scared, sad, positive all at the same time. You got this! :-) Keeping you in my prayers everyday and especially next Monday!
Another vote for sick-free flu shot here! I will be thinking of you on Monday and all that week. I like the Tumor Be Gone saying - TBG!
Scheduled Oct 8 on my calendar - will be praying for you!!
Thanks everyone! :) okay okay, so the flu shot isn't evil. I swear it is though and have managed to avoid one all these years!
It's going to be a long road but your positive attitude and strength will get you through it. I truly believe that amazing things can happen with positive thought (have you read "The Secret"? Not sure if I completely believe it but the overall theme is very powerful).
Thank you for updating your blog with all of this information. It is helpful for all of us that care about you to know what is going on. I will be thinking of you next Monday during your surgery.
Monika, you are a strong person. Being able to complete all the physical feats you have takes incredible strength, both physical and mental. You're absolutely right that you cannot control that you have a brain tumor, but you can control your reaction, the people you have around you, & the state of mind that you choose to be in. There is nothing wrong with crying, there is no weakness in it. Sometimes you just need to vent out the anxiety & fear. That just makes you human. Always praying for you healing and the strength you need to get through this. :)
Girl, I will be right over to rub those feet for you. You have such a wonderful attitude. I hope that stays with you during this journey. Again, will be thinking of you.
Hey Warrior Girl--I hope all went smooth with your pre-op appointments today. Thinking about you :)
p.s. Don't you think there should be a "like" button for the comments? There is some good stuff :)
Monika- I see bravery as taking one day at a time, seeing humor in little things, and being honest with yourself (and others) about how you feel. When my mom was Dx w/ BC a couple of years ago her mantra became, "it is what it is." She couldn't turn back time & make it all go away. She just knew that she needed to take care of herself in order to get better. So- soak in the tub, get those tootsies rubbed and pamper your heart & soul. Allow the help to be offered & delivered! Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers! <3 Laurie
I'll be running a 5K race Sunday (Girl Scouts Benefit) and thinking of you and your winning attitude...once you're past Monday the next chapter is about getting back to living your dream.
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