I’m Over the Marathon

Maybe … I moped over my last marathon performance for weeks. I was really sad and really upset about it. And then – I read this article in Running Times that I felt was talking to my soul! And then – I got really busy with work and life and weeks passed and I didn’t run as much and then you know what? I just didn’t care anymore. I still liked to run and race and challenge myself, but suddenly the next three half marathons I had planned seemed just good enough. Ahh … peace. :o) 

Running Times Article

The article I read in Running Times is called “A Race Too Far”. There were so many lines in this article that struck a chord with me! Some excerpts:

"Is it time to get over the marathon? The marathon is an inspiring challenge that few have accomplished (even now, when thousands do it every year, it’s still a select few), and training to finish it, at whatever pace, is a worthy goal. … Standing on a starting line and not knowing if you can finish this, and then accomplishing it, is an awesome experience. The people I’m talking to here are those like me: serious runners who have completed the distance many times and have no doubt they can complete it again: people whose times have reached a plateau after the initial huge improvement in their second and third marathons, and are unable, for whatever reason, to take their training to the level necessary to make the marathon truly a race rather than a survival test.”

Wow. That’s me.

For me, its life and will that are my enemies. On the life side, I work and travel a lot, and staying on a challenging schedule is hard. On the will side, I’m just tired. I put forth a lot more effort into marathon training than I would to exercise, yet I know it’s not enough, yet I just don’t have the will to give it any more. Defeatist? Who knows.

Why we run

I know why I ran my first marathon. It’s because I ran my first half (which prior was an unimaginable goal, and I still felt good, and thought WOW, I bet I could go farther!). Then I ran my first full, and second, and third, and I have to admit I liked the accolades it drew. After having run a few marathons I felt that it was the product of an equation that wasn’t SO hard to unravel. Set a goal, create a plan, plug away, commit, adjust for setbacks, and BAM! You can do it! In some ways I think a marathon is easy. I believe anyone can run one if they commit the time and effort. The time and effort though seem to be the issue. I’m sure I could run a faster marathon if I gave more time and effort.. Yet I can’t. Or won’t most honestly.

My First Half Marathon

 

I’m not a great athlete, anyone who knows me will agree with that. I’m not known to be sporty, I’m afraid of sports and getting hurt. I’m strong willed but in certain situations give in easily. I’m determined at many times, but totally not at others. For me, sports just aren’t my thing. I enjoyed gymnastics and cheerleading growing up because they were fun. I was flexible and powerful and spirited. Those traits fared well in gymnastics and cheerleading. Peeling the onion back a bit farther though, you’ll notice that both “sports” require short burst of all out energy. That’s me! Here I am! Okay, now I’m tired. :oP Marathon running is the total opposite of what I grew up with. Steady strong effort for a long period of time? Sheesh…

My First Full Marathon

 

It’s interesting though, in the article, the author calls out similar reasons that people are attracted to the marathon.

“As early as grade schools, however, those of us who aren’t quite an athletic but want to be good in sports discover that we can excel by being tenacious. So we go longer and longer at whatever pace we can manger, and earn admiration by our ability to keep going.”

Hmm.. is that me? Wow, I guess it is. The article then makes a point about the admiration of non-runners. They can’t appreciate a 5 minute 5 mile run, but you say you’ve run 10 miles and you get wows. I read this and felt somewhat sheepish. Was that all I cared about? People being amazed by the distance I ran regardless of the pace? Yes, sadly, I do like that. I really do. But is it because I’ve never had any prior athletic accomplishments? Maybe.

The article continues on with making a case for working harder to run faster shorter races, and to give up plodding on in longer races. A month after a poor showing at my twelfth marathon, I think I’m going to take that advice.

Running Faster

Although I’ve done track workouts and hill repeats in the past, part of me hasn’t been as focused on improving my speed as it should be. I realize that if you run faster short distances you’ll probably run faster longer distances, but I’ve been so focused on the distance that I’ve given up the speed.

I’ve seen local 5K’s and 10K’s in my neighborhood in the past few years and have almost scoffed at them. Pay $20 to run 3 miles? PFFT! I run 3 miles everyday! For free! What I was overlooking though was the challenge of the course. I’ll run those 3 miles in a race faster than any 3 miles I’d ever run alone!

With that mentality I ran a non-competitive 3K last month, and did great! I was the first to finish among the females which really made me feel good! Granted there were probably only 10 women even running versus walking, it was still a small achievement.

Improving Over Time

One thing that I like about running is the metrics involved. If you’re timed over a certain distance and course, and run that course multiple times, you can easily track improvements. I’m proud to say that aside from my last marathon, I’ve improved year over year.

Latest example? I ran a 15K this past weekend which I’ve run the past two years since I’ve been in San Diego.

2008: 1:21:41

2009: 1:17:48

2010: 1:16:23

A minute and some change may not seem like a lot over 9+ miles to some of you, but for me, it is! According to my GPS watch I actually ran 9.47 miles versus 9.3, so my pace went from 8:13 to 8:04. For not having trained for speed in a long time, I was happy.

Coronado 15K - 2010

 

Prior to moving to San Diego I had never run a 15K. It’s an odd but nice race. It’s far enough to weed out the casual runners, but short enough that you don’t need serious recovery time afterwards.

After the Race

Due to the fact that I got to the race with only moments to spare, I missed out with meeting up with my fellow Rock Runners before the race, but saw several along the course, and saw them after as well. We waited around to watch the award ceremony since a couple of our runners won places in the 5K race, and then we all headed out to meet for breakfast afterwards.

Rock Runners at the Tractor Room

 

We met at the Tractor Room in Hillcrest (my old neighborhood) with the intentions of chowing down! I have to give the disclaimer that I’m not big on large breakfast meals, and in general I’m turned off by food in mass. OH MY. The servings here were GINORMOUS! I mean, I was hungry and ate a ton, but WOW, I had enough leftovers that I was able to eat those for dinner, and nothing else! Basically all I ate all day was my Tractor Room breakfast!

Me & My Breakfast

 

I ordered the “health scramble” which was egg whites, potatoes, turkey sausage, and cornbread. I don’t have a picture of it, but the cornbread was its own skillet, the size of a salad plate! WOW. The Rock Runner sitting next to me (oh no! can’t remember his name!) ordered the French toast. Umm… each slice was literally over an inch thick. Maybe 1 1/2 “? The plate had three slices of bread which really made up a half loaf of bread. Well .. he finished it! AND the plate of bacon. Wowsers!

The HUGE Health Scramble

Moving ON

I was starting to forget about the marathon last week, and then after this past weekend with my PR at the 15K, I’m officially over it! I’m still bummed at heart that I haven’t broken 4 hours in a marathon (best time 4 hours and … 32 seconds! Argh!!), and even more bummed that I didn’t do that .. AND THEN run a 3:40 marathon which would qualify me for Boston, but hey, maybe that’s not what I’m meant for. I do enjoy the shorter races and see improvements in those times. Maybe I’m meant to focus on shorter races where I just get faster and faster.

For now, training for short races fits better in my life. And the improvements are seen more quickly, and are more noticeable.

SO .. for now? Goodbye full marathon! I’ll see you again someday. For now, I’m going to appreciate running the “short” distances. Next up - San Francisco Half Marathon July 25th!

Keep on running. Its fun.

Food & Fun at the Fair

This past week I went to my very first county fair! A few friends and I ventured over to the San Diego County Fair after work this past Thursday. I was grossly intrigued by the "fair food" I had seen on TV over the years and was especially interested in the chocolate covered bacon. Due to some allergy issues I've been having recently I'm off my pescatarian diet and back to eating meat. Oh bacon, how I've missed you!

Family Ranch Sign at the Fair

My friend Wendy and I met up with Christine and Todd at Todd's office and then carpooled over. I was kind of hungry when we headed towards the fair, and about an HOUR later after we'd waited to enter the parking lot, found parking, waited in line to buy tickets, and then waited in line to enter the fair - I was starving!! But what to eat first?

Todd & Christine Waiting to Enter the Fair

 

Christine and I were the first to take the food plunge and both tried out a fresh grilled ear of corn. Yummy! I love corn! It was a bit awkward to hold the corn and try to butter it with the one pat of butter we received, but we managed.

 CORN!

We walked around and checked out the two main aisles of food vendors and we each decided what we wanted and split up with the plan to meet back with our food. I decided upon the huge turkey drumstick and waited in line for that for a few minutes .. before leaving the line to head over to the terryaki stand. Yep, I went to a fair and I had a chicken terryaki rice bowl. Cop out!  Wendy got a corn dog covered in sweet potato chunks and Christine and Todd got fish and chips.

 Flinstones Sized Meat!

Trying Out Fish & Chips

Sweet Potato Corndog

After eating, we wandered around a bit more and made our way over to the games and rides. I had seen a few people walking by with oversized stuffed bananas that had smiles and big cheeks, and knew I had to have one! We passed one game (water gun aimed at a target to race a toy to the top) where the barker said that if all four of us played, one of us was guaranteed to win. I talked the group into playing and ... I lost. Sniff sniff. Wendy won the banana and they were instantly best friends.

Besties for Life!

I tried my luck at a dart game and won  a small seal/lobster creature. Aka "the slobster". I then played a game of toss the ping pong balls into the floating dishes to try again to win a big banana. A bucket of ping pong balls later and I won a banana! A baby one, not a large smiling one. That's okay, good enough!

Showing Off Our "Catch"

Finally, I Win a Banana!

There were a number of rides at the fair but they all seemed to be the spin around topsy turvy type. We all passed on the rides and made our way back to the food to get the chocolate covered bacon. For some reason I was expecting the bacon to be thick chunks covered in Hershey syrup. As I ordered the chocolate covered bacon the woman reached into a freezer and pulled out a Chinese take-out box. Huh? Oh .. it was frozen? We all tried a piece and while none of us hated it, I don't think any of us were too impressed. What a disappointment! The chocolate was hard (frozen of course) and once you snapped a bite into a piece and chewed it you could taste the bacon inside the chocolate, but it was very underwhelming. Sigh.  

Chocolate Covered Bacon - Meh

The Banana Liked the Bacon

On the way back to the parking lot we made a quick trip into the barn where they had all of the animals. What a sad and weird place that was! The cows were all under signs that said "beef project". Boo, how sad! I like to think that my food comes from the cow and chicken tree, not from a cute little cow standing around at the fair. There were also a lot of sheep in the barn who had recently been sheared and were dressed like drag queens. I thought that their outfits were to keep the sheep warm but apparently it was to keep them clean. I wonder if there was a contest for gaudiest sheep jacket? If so there must have been a tie among many contestants.

"Beef Project" :o(

Sheep in Drag

"Don't look at me ..."

Getting out of the fair was a bit of an ordeal. Exiting the parking lot and getting on the freeway took about 30 minutes. We were all tired and were up past our normal bedtimes, and the time to exit seemed to drag on even longer. Before leaving Wendy graciously gave me her large stuffed banana. Yay! I love him! She has named him Fernando and for the time being he is taking up residence in the backseat of my car. I've had several different people from my running group in my car this weekend and each has given me a funny look when they caught sight of the banana in the backseat. "He's from the fair!" I'd say. "oh ... hm..." they'd usually say in response. :o)

The Butter Sculpture Family 

Fried Butter - EWE!

I'm glad that I had a chance to go to the fair and I'm glad I took a chance and tried out the chocolate covered bacon. I'm not sure that I'd return to the fair again unless someone else asked me to go, but overall it was a fun experience.  And now I have Fernando!

Carpool Mate 

Domo Does “The Springs”

Domo here, special travel correspondent for Monika! Domo hadn’t traveled for SIX WEEKS! :-O For details of Domo’s last trip, check out “Domo Does DC”.

Alas, Domo was back on the road for a last minute fill-in trip to a tradeshow in Colorado. The tradeshow was in Colorado Springs where Domo had never been before! Monika had been to Denver once before for a dental show, but aside from that had not spent any time in Colorado! When Domo checked in for his flight he was dismayed to see that he’d be taking a normal plane from San Diego to Denver, but a small toy plane from Denver to Colorado Springs. Domo doesn’t like small planes… at all! Domo is ashamed to admit that he is actually afraid of flying. Sure he does it all the time, but yet he is still afraid. Domo blames a class he took in college called “Strength of Materials” where in lab he watched pieces of metal fail from various stresses and strains. Have you seen a rod of steel snap in two just from being bent? Domo has! Metal fatigue is a scary thing…

First Time Flyer

When Domo boarded his first flight he went to the back of the plane (poo poo on United Airlines! Domo never sits past row 11 on US Airways flights!) and took his window seat. A few minutes later a woman came up and said “excuse me, do you want to switch seats with me?” Domo cautiously replied “Um, well where is your seat?” The woman answered “Right next to you, the middle seat.”. Domo really had to control himself from saying “Are you freaking kidding me??? Who wants a middle seat?!?!” Instead Domo apprehensively said “Um, you want me to switch my window seat with your middle seat?” Sure Domo had too much cotton in his ears and heard wrong. “Well, yes. This is my first time flying and I’m really scared. I think if I can see out the window I’ll feel better.” Domo eyed the woman suspiciously and sized her up to be in her early 60s. How could someone in their 60’s never have flown before??

Domo took a defeated breath and said “Sure, no problem.” And in his head started trying to figure out if it was 3 or 4 hours that he would be sitting in a middle seat. Booo! Domo talked for the woman in DOMO’S seat for a bit and found out that she was from a farm in a small town in Saskatchewan Canada and that her and her family was in the middle of a roadtrip to Disneyland when there was an emergency at home and she found out she’d have to fly back immediately. Poor woman drove for three days and had only made it to about Barstow (I think she said??) when she had to head back to an airport and then get ready to fly back home to Canada. Wow, what a crappy trip for her!

Flying Into Colorado

Domo doesn’t know what is up with Colorado, but it is a SCARY place to fly! The flight into Denver was horribly turbulent, and so was the flight into Colorado Springs. If Domo wasn’t brown he would have been green. Domo gets motion sickness. Every time the plane lurched, the woman in Domo’s window seat looked a bit panicked -  so to help reassure her Domo would smile with a confident look to act as if that was normal. Inside Domo was scared and queasy in his middle seat. The woman at one point asked “oh, is that what turbulence is?” Domo though geez, poor lady. Her first time on a plane and its as if the plane was being shaken up like a martini!

Domo's Little Plane

As we approached Denver Domo’s new Canadian friend confided in Domo that she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to find her connecting flight in time. She had two hours! Domo assured her that she’d be fine and that Domo would help her find the next gate. When Domo and the woman deplaned Domo led her over to the TV screens and explained how they showed where all the flights were arriving and departing. The more time Domo spent with her the more he thought her sayings in her Canadian accent were cute. “Oh my there are a lot of flights!!” Luckily, Domo and her flights were in the same wing!

As Domo and the Canadian walked towards their connecting gates they encountered an escalator. As the woman stepped on she gasped the same way she did each time the previous flight had lurched in the sky. “Oh geez! These are scary!” Awww!! She was so cute. She then explained that she was from a small town and grew up on a farm and never got out much. She said she rarely left her town except to travel to her sisters house a few hours away. Growing up a city animal, Domo couldn’t even imagine having such a small town life! Domo wondered if life was simpler like that…

Domo and his new friend finally approached her gate, bid her goodbye and good luck and then headed off to his own gate. Along the way Domo stopped at a deli and ordered a turkey sandwich on ciabatta bread. As the woman making the sandwich picked up two thick slices of white bread Domo said “No wait, the ciabatta please.” The woman waved the bread around and said “yeah, you mean the white ciabatta right?” Ermmm yeah… The white sliced bread is ciabatta. Okay. Sheesh Denver!

"Ciabatta" Sandwich .... RIGHT!

Arriving in “The Springs”

Domo’s second flight from Denver to Colorado Springs was terrifying. The plane was small and had 12 rows, it flopped around in the sky like a kite, and Domo was dripping with sweat by the time he landed. Great …. Domo was planning on wearing his travel outfit to the welcome reception that night. Sigh … Domo had never been to Colorado Springs and was amused to hear so much conversation going on in the plane about “The Springs”. Domo guesses small town people are just friendlier, or feel more community with one another.

At the airport there was a special desk just for guests at the Broadmoor resort, and there was a shuttle which whisked Domo over to the resort. Upon arriving Domo was pleased to see that this was a 5 Diamond resort! Wow! Domo was impressed! Fancy resort – Yay! Room not ready for 2 hours – Boo! Domo went out to the patio and sat down in a rocking chair and worked for an hour or so until his room was ready.

Working on the Patio

Walking Around the Lake

After checking into his room Domo realized on no! The schedule had changed! The exhibits didn’t open up tomorrow morning, they opened up during the welcome reception! Crap! Domo only had an hour to run over, set up the booth, and run back and change! Domo put on his superman cape, spent 15 minutes setting up the booth, high-fived himself, and he was ready for business!

Domo's Room View

The Tradeshow

The tradeshow floor opened for a couple hours that evening and was then open all day for ht next couple days. For those of you who frequent tradeshows, this was the type of show where everyone is in session, then everyone is on break, then everyone is in session again. Definition? During session times the tradeshow floor is E-M-P-T-Y. Domo is pretty sure he saw tumbleweed blow by at one point. Towards the end of the first day after Domo had made small talk with all of the other exhibitors in his area, Domo decided to go sit in on the general session. Wow that was interesting! Domo is serious! The presentations were really interesting and there were a lot of cool case photos.

Empty Exhibit Hall

During other times at the tradeshow Domo made friends with some of his neighbors. One of the perks of working for his company is all of the free goods from fellow exhibitors. Domo cleaned house! Domo got all kinds of face cleansers, moisturizers, sunscreens, eye cream, and a skin lightening kit! SCORE! Domo also got to take pictures with the UV Photography camera which showed sun damage to his skin. Domo won’t scare you with his pictures, but Monika has offered to show you hers. All of the dark spots are sun damage. According to the company rep Monika didn’t have much sun damage. Whoo hoo for healthy Asian skin! (Note: Please excuse my creepy lopsided eye pic. Hey, we can't always look great. Keeping it real though!)

Monika's UV Scan (Dark Spots are Sun Damage)

Free Skincare Goodies

Interesting Happenings

A few interesting things happened while Domo was staying in “The Springs”. First, Domo went for a run! Domo loves to run! Domo forgot his inhaler though before he went running, and then ran at 6000ft altitude in the 85F heat. Domo was NOT enjoying his first run! His second run went much better though! Second, Domo ate trout and buffalo! Domo felt that he should partake in some local flavor so he tried out those dishes at two different meals upon the recommendation of the server. Domo did not feel so adventurous as to try the antelope. Antelope seems like deer which seems like Bambi. Oh Bambi .. poor Bambi .. sigh..

Domo's Run - Look at the Elevation!!

The third interesting thing that happened to Domo is that he saw a deer! Crossing the road! Why? Duh, to get to the other side. Haha. Domo is so funny! Domo saw a deer cross the road 20 feet in front of him on his way to the convention center. Domo doesn’t think he’s ever seen a deer before in person! Domo also saw deer grazing on the golf course near the restaurant where he ate one night. So cute!

Deer Crossing the Road

The fourth interesting thing that happened to Domo was .. hmm.. I guess that is it. Domo feels like he needs a fourth to even things out. Oh! Domo knows! Domo had a scale in his hotel bathroom. Weird. Domo felt the need to weigh himself multiple times a day because of it. Domo thinks weighing yourself when you are traveling is scary!

Domo Weights What?!

Leaving the Springs

Domo was happy to leave Colorado Springs finally on Sunday morning. Domo was not happy that he had a 6am flight to do so. Yep, Domo had to get up at 4am to catch a shuttle to the airport. Domo was very tired. Domo arrived back in San Diego around 10:30am though and tried to make what he could of his shortened weekend.

Domo Enjoying Breakfast the Day Before

Domo had a fun trip! Domo will see you next time in July when he goes to Vegas, Paris, and San Francisco! (And Domo means Paris, France, not the Paris hotel in Vegas.)

Domo says bye bye!

Dealing With Dissappointment

I’ve waited a few days to write my blog about my last marathon because I was sad from mile 6 on Sunday … through last night. And today, well today is a new day! And I’ve finally moved on and can give a less Eeyore-like recap of the race.

Training

After running this course three times before, I knew that my weak spot in the race was the 3-mile slow incline up the 163 freeway. So for this training round I incorporated hills for the first time ever. Ever! And I beat them and felt strong! The hills also came after weeks of speed training … and I was ready! For more about my hill training check out my blog “Ode to Balboa Park”.

Christina and Her New Moeben Sleeves at the Expo

Race Day

I was CONVINCED that this race, marathon #12 would be THE race that I’d break 4 hours. I was so sure of it! Although I had my own insecurities and when friends said “oh, you’ll do it!!” and I brushed them off, I knew that I was in better shape for this race than I had ever been in previous years. This was MY town. This course was known, I’d run it three times before. My previous issue was hills. And you know what? I’d beat them week after week in my training. I was READY. I was soo ready to conquer. But yet I didn’t. So disappointing.

Number 8159 For the Win!

Race Start

My friend Christina was in town to run the half marathon and we drove over to the Zoo (as locals do!) and walked the ½ mile across the park to the start line. We split at the portapotties and wished each other luck. I had arrived at the area around 6:00am knowing that my running group had met at 5:30am at corral 6. I was assigned to corral 8 and almost went right to my corral when I thought, what the heck, let’s try to find my team. I headed towards corral 6 to see if I could find my training mates. And I did!!

Me & Christina at the Race Start

I walked over to Corral 6 and saw my amazing group of Rock Running marathon training friends! We only had a few moments at this point to get ready for the start .. and then off we went! Its always so fun to start off a race – you’re one in a sea of many, all running for different reasons, all with different goals for the race, and suddenly you’re one little piece of a crowd surging ahead. It’s an incredible feeling. I love it.

The Marathon Begins

I was so excited to start the race with my Rock group and wondered in the first few miles if we’d all finish together. What an incredible photo op!! A wall of Rock Runners crossing the finish line at the same time! I’ve primarily run my marathons alone and the only other race I’ve run with company has been when David and I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in October 2009 in DC. Its fun to run with a group! But challenging .. but fun!

Our Rock group stuck together mile after mile. We cruised up through Banker’s Hill, across Hillcrest, down through Balboa Park, passed by Petco Park, headed back north through downtown .. and then.. I didn’t feel so great. I checked my watch and the group wasn’t running to fast, but I just didn’t feel right. I dismissed that feeling as anxiety and self-doubt and pushed on. We kept going for several miles and then at mile 6 I just knew something was wrong.

The Problems Begin

My stomach didn’t feel right. Don’t worry, no TMI .. but my stomach just felt knotted and hurt. It felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach after a certain point, and that was distracting. Mile after mile it felt worse. Around mile 6 we all passed a water station and I stopped to walk and get water and as I walked, my group charged on. :o( I noticed though that as soon as I walked my stomach instantly felt better. Whoah .. So I walked and ran a bit and realized I felt awful running, and okay walking.

But … I was in the middle of a marathon!!!! At mile SIX! Of T-W-E-N-T-Y S-I X!!! I felt bad and had twenty to go! I was in denial for a bit and walked/ran while I thought about it. I really did not feel good. My stomach just plain hurt. Running only made it feel worse. As I thought about it and ran and walked …. the marathon and half marathon course met and split off, and met and split off. As I continued in pain I looked over at the half marathon course and thought okay .., I should just switch over. The problem though was at this point in the race, the marathon course was several miles further along, so even if I switched over in defeat, I’d still have to cover a total of 16-18 miles. Hmmm… was that worth it?

Finding My Strength

At some point (mile 8?) I switched over to the half-marathon side of the freeway which made up the half and full marathon course. I was MISERABLE. I was in pain. I didn’t want to go on .. but knew that I couldn’t just walk off the course. Could I cut it short? Maybe. Cutting over to the half course would save me a lot of miles. I thought that was the answer … but then I walked/ran on and thought.

One thing about distance running is that you have a lot of time with yourself. In my head I was thinking OMG.. how is this happening? I’ve trained so hard! For so many months!! Why aren’t I rocking this? And then I thought WOW.. I can’t take this. I need to stop. Okay, I’ll just get out .. and then came my epiphany …

I’m a running coach. Supposedly I’m a role model. I can’t give up. I just can’t! As a coach for GOTR I’ve spent so much time trying to teach young girls that when they think they can’t go on, they really can. I ask these girls not to quit all the time!! For that reason alone, I knew I couldn’t quit. Sooo many times I had one of the girls say to me “I’m tired, I can’t run anymore!” And I’d almost always say “Okay, well can you keep moving? Can you walk? How about you walk another lap? If you can’t run just walk. And if you want me to I’ll walk with you.” And then we would.

For this reason alone, I knew I couldn’t quit. I couldn’t ask those girls to keep pushing and not keep pushing myself. So I pushed myself and continued. I switched back over to the full marathon side of the road and decided to keep going, no matter what the finish line.

The Race Changed

After accepting that I couldn’t and wouldn’t quit, the race was quite a different race emotionally. At this point it was too late to break 4 hours even if I did recover. So suddenly for the first time since my first, this race became a form of survival. Could I do it? Well it’s not like I can’t! So how will I? Okay keep going.

Distance running gives you a lot of time to be with yourself. Distance walking gives you a lot more time. I mean a lot. Its uncomfortable and interesting, and in the end there is no downside to talking to yourself, reflecting, and getting to know yourself. Its an eerie experience, and I think its one of the benefits of marathon training. If you know what I mean, you know. And I’m sure you get it. :o)

Finding God. Again and again

As I suffered through mile after mile I talked to myself, I talked to God, I talked to myself, and at a certain point I was just praying for an end to the race. I had mentioned off-hand to my friend Stacy during mile 3 that I spent the largest concentration of my life praying during a marathon. It’s true! I never pray as much as I do as when I’m doing a distance run!

During this race I spent miles and miles asking God to give me the strength to keep running. And then I came to a different place in my heart. If God couldn’t be there to push me to run, I hoped that instead he could be there to walk by my side. And that he did. Cue the tears. Because they came off and on for miles as I processed this. I don’t think I could have walked and ran through the next twenty miles without that strength. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t impossible. And I know I didn’t do it alone.

Approaching the Finish Line

My friend Christina was projecting to run the half around 2:25, and with our differences in corral start times, we anticipated a 1-1 ½ hour difference between our finishes. Erm … around the time that I switched courses and switched back, I though on no! Christina will be waiting for me forever! And what about David and anyone else tracking me online?? They’ll think I died on the course!!

So much later than I wanted, I entered the last few miles of the course. I had blown past my sub-4 hour goal miles ago. At this point I was nervous about coming in past 5 hours! WHAT!?! Yeah… So as the last 6 miles dwindled to 4, and 2, and 1, I slowly felt better and better. Its funny how the pain you have suffered in the past suddenly fades from your memory as you approached your finish line. Is that called strength?? Who knows. All I know is that this past Sunday as I could see the Finish line off in the distance all I could think is THANK GOD! Seriously!

The Finish, The Change

The race really changed for me over the miles. I went from wanting to crush 4 hours, to wanting to just finish. And for a seasoned marathoner, wanting to just finish was a crazy, obscure idea to me. I knew I could finish from past performances! Why could I suddenly not recognize that?

I got down to the 25 mile mark and ‘knew’ I could run that last 1.2 miles. HAHA but I couldn’t! Oh the humbling of that realization. I actually walked within that last ½ mile. Wow. As I crossed that finish line with my legs and arms pumping and a big smile on my face, I knew that I had beat a new enemy. I had beat self doubt! In previous races I had battled other issues and insecurities, but in this race I had learned something different about myself. I felt like a warrior! But a failure.

After the Race

Once the race was over I felt reality crashing in. My mind was crowded with thoughts of who had tracked me online, what was David thinking? What was poor Christina doing all of these hours while she waited for me? How was I going to admit this defeat to everyone I had told I was shooting for a 3:55 marathon? Sigh...

 After the Race - Sore and Proud

As Sunday went on (and I had to go to a work party that evening .. OMG the torture!!) and then Monday came and I went back to work and people started asking me about the race, I felt bad. I mean I really felt bad. I was sooo bummed out about my race performance.

I’m an engineer. You calculate an input for a desired output. I trained harder than I had for any RNR SD before, yet I did worse than any of 12 races before. Why? I really don’t’ know. And I dwelled on this Monday, moped a bit Tuesday …and then had facial treatments performed Tuesday evening which made me look 5 years younger, and all was well!! Jk. I did have my face treated thanks to my company on Tuesday and I did love the results.. but that’s besides the point. Yesterday I finally moved on.

Moving On

I had a number of friends send me some really nice messages over the past few days. It takes feeling like you’re on the floor the realize how much simple comments from your friends can lift you up. In the end, I’m disappointed with my performance. Do I think I could have trained harder to prevent what happened? No. Am I mad/frustrated/sad/tormented about what did happen? Yes! But can I do anything about it? No. And in the end … did good things come of it? Oh heck yeah!

After the race I had a couple of friends message me saying that I helped motivate/inspire them to enjoy running, which is a part of why they have run distances races to date. Did that make me feel good? OMG yes! I run for me and my goals and my issues and my neurosis. If I can share the good parts of what running has done for me GREAT! Double win! In the end though, I do this for me to feel good. I feel so much better though to share feelings of others feeling good. Running is amazing. If you don’t do it now, you should Distance racing will change your life, I promise.

Moving to Halfs

For now I'm going to back off the fulls for a while and focus on halfs. My next scheduled race is the San Francisco Half Marathon on July 25th. As part of the California Dreamin series if I run the San Francisco half, the Long Beach half, and the Surf City half (already ran that one, more details in my blog Surf City USA - Awesome!) I will get a special medal and jacket! Cool!

Thanks to everyone who gave me the support during my training and afterwards when I felt that I had failed. Time to move on and prepare to kick butt next time!

Race History

Here's a look back on my previous marathon performances over the years. There have been ups and downs, and I'm hoping for one big UP this weekend!

#1 - Rock N Roll Marathon (San Diego, CA) – 06/05/05 – 4:30:20

I was shooting for a 4:00-4:30 finish and JUST made it!

#2 - Nike Women’s Marathon (San Francisco, CA) – 10/23/05 – 4:30:15

I trained harder for this race and did weekly group track workouts. I felt stronger and was convinced I’d improve my time. Instead I was whipped by the hills and only improved by five seconds! Ahh!

# 3 - Rock N Roll Marathon (Phoenix, AZ) – 1/15/06 – 4:35:04

Long story, but I got lost and ran two extra miles. Amazingly though, I ran 28.2 miles in only 5 minutes more time than I had previously run 26.2. Sigh.

#4 - LA Marathon (Los Angeles, CA) – 3/19/06 – 4:11:12

I felt great in this race and cruised along the whole time. A 19 minute improvement in 9 months? I’ll take it!

#5 - SF Marathon (San Francisco, CA) – 7/30/06 – 4:24:17

I unwisely made the decision to return to San Francisco to run a race. Why? Not like I’d get my best time on a hilly course. It’s a great course though and I loved it being a SF native. Running across the Golden Gate Bridge was AWESOME! (But freezing…)

#6 - Long Beach Marathon (Long Beach, CA) – 10/15/06 – 4:11:27

Determined to not be beat by San Francisco, I jumped right into another training program and ran Long Beach. Another great course, but sadly a slower time by 15 seconds than LA. Sigh.

And now an interlude between races of …… eight months! I was training for the Rock N Roll in Phoenix Jan ’07 when I got sidelined for three months with tendonitis. Physical therapy did its magic and I was back to normal again after a couple months, but not running for three months almost drove me crazy!!

#7 - Rock N Roll Marathon (San Diego, CA) – 6/3/07 – 4:03:27

Back to where it all started! After not running and then slowly rehabbing I was ready! I felt great though this race and KNEW this would be the year I’d break four hours! Unfortunately though I had to stop at mile 10 to unload my bladder, and waited in line for three minutes. I timed it. Darn those three minutes!

#8 - Chicago Marathon (Chicago, IL) – 10/7/07 – 4:24:59

After missing 4 hours by just a few minutes, I was determined to achieve my goal in my next race. I set my sight on Chicago which was famed to be a flat, easy course. I managed to get in by fundraising for the American Cancer Society and was excited to finally beat 4 hours. Well, know what happened? There was a massive heat wave that weekend and race temperatures tipped past 100 degrees at some point in the course. Because of the heat thousands of people who registered for the race didn’t even start. And then .. because of the heat and the race organizers inability to accommodate racing needs for a wildy hot climate, the race was CALLED OFF :-O after about 4 hours. I was lucky enough to have passed the point where they were stopping people, and I did get to finish the race. But with a slow time. What a disappointment. Luckily (or unluckily) I was living in Arizona at the time so I had been training in 80-100F heat. It’s not ideal, but I knew how to handle it. Many others weren’t so lucky. Two people died and hundreds were hospitalized. I saw people dropping on the street like flies. Literally. What a crazy day.

#9 - Rock N Roll Marathon (San Antonio, TX) – 11/16/08 – 4:06:07

Since I love the Rock N Roll series I thought I’d try one of their other races. San Antonio was supposed to be a pleasant flat course. It was for the most part and I have no real excuse for not finishing faster. Hmm.. well there was a freak chill that came through and a freeze alert the night before and the race started in the 30’s instead of the normal 60’s, but I won’t blame that. I blame me.

#10 - Rock N Roll Marathon (San Diego, CA) – 5/31/09 – 4:00:32

Back to the homeland. I ran this race last year with the Foot Locker Challenge team. We were going so fast at first that I PR’d in my half marathon! But then I cramped severely from mile 16 on and walked walked walked. I still managed to not completely ruin my time overall and look at that finish time. Just SECONDS from a sub-4. Oh the agony!

#11 - Marine Corps Marathon (Washington, DC) - 10/25/09 – 4:17:24

David and I ran this race together which makes this one of my most special races. We stayed together the whole time and had a pretty good pace going. David started cramping really badly around mile 22 though and we walked a lot towards the end. It was still a decent finish and a wonderful experience. (more details)  Training with David all of those months and getting to race with him was like a dream come true. His family was the best support squad ever on the course and really helped keep us going.

#12 - Rock N Roll Marathon (San Diego, CA) – 6/3/10

Well here we go again, 4th time on this course, 12th marathon overall. I’m shooting for 3:55, but 3:59:59 and I’ll be happy. Fingers crossed, laces tied, and a heart full of energy and hope.

Here’s hoping the 12th time’s a charm. I’m tired of being what Einstein considers to be insane!

Marathon #12 – Am I Insane?

In a couple days now I will be running my next full marathon. Number 12! Wow, I feel accomplished by that and saddened at the same time knowing that I’ve made 11 failed attempts at running a sub-4 hour marathon. :o(

I’ve been thinking a lot about my marathon career this week and I thought about one of the funniest quotes I’ve ever heard:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.

- Albert Einstein

I feel that this is where I have ended up in my marathon career. I decide to run a race, I develop a new training plan, I plan to switch up my training somehow to improve my performance (track workouts, tempo runs, weight training, yoga, hill training etc.), each time I fall short of the full goal due to life, work, or travel, and each time I get to those last few days before the race I look back at my training schedule with regret, and start to feel apprehensive about putting all I’ve got to the test one more time.

I can see the finish line…

In many of my long runs I use visualization techniques. I picture coming into the finish chute, seeing the finish line, seeing the clock read 3:XX:XX. Sometimes I picture the smiling faces of friends and family who I know will be at the race. Almost every time the thought of this brings me to tears. Wow, okay, just typing that right now got me a little misty! I’ve pictured achieving my goal so many times, and so many times now I haven’t. Realizing that makes me want to cry too!

Trying Hills on for Size

The most significant change I’ve made to my training for this upcoming race was incorporating hill repeats. I started out in the first half of my training with one speed workout a week (usually on a treadmill looking like a crazy person running at 8.6 speed), and finished the second half of my training with one hill repeat day per week. I have to admit that after the first few weeks going at the hills, I felt noticeably stronger as a runner. I haven’t felt such a significant change like that in years! It felt great, and I’m now more confident on all grades of inclines. (For more about my runs in the park, check out my blog Ode to Balboa Park).

Running is a mental sport, and usually at the sight of a hill I’d have an internal meltdown, convince myself I couldn’t do it and would have to walk - actually TRUDGE sadly up the hill. I trudge no more! I still don’t enjoy hills but feel that I can beat them. With a little determination of course!

Training in Review

I developed a 14 week training plan for this race with runs scheduled for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday. In reality I probably only ran 4 of the 5 scheduled days on most weeks. I was also scheduled to run from 21 to 40 miles per week, and ended up only running 15-34. Hey, I travel a lot. It’s extremely hard to get the miles in on the road after a long day on my feet in heels.

Of the 411 miles I’ve had scheduled I’ve run 319 ~ 78% of what I should have. Hey, it’s a C+! Being above average is good enough right?

Daily Mile

I’ve been tracking my training online via Daily Mile since last year when David and I started training for the Marine Corps Marathon. So far I’ve logged 895 miles on this site. Wow! I could have run to Phoenix and back!

For those of you not familiar with Daily Mile, it’s like Facebook for athletes. You can find friends and track each other’s training. Its fun to not only see your own workouts for the week, but your friend’s as well! It’s also nice to get (and give) encouraging notes to your friends as you share successes and challenges that come up along the way.

Thanks Martin for all of your encouraging words!

Rock Runners

One other change to my training for this race is that I recently joined a running group! I’ve been running for a couple months now with the Rock Runners from my church, the Rock Church! The church is incredibly large and has an amazing variety of ministries, many of them being sports ministries. I had seen that there was a running group late last year and thought about joining, but for some reason I held back and never got more information. One day though when I was on the Rock’s website I thought what am I waiting for? I’m going to do it.

And you what? Its one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! I love the people in the running group and feel that our Saturday group runs are the highlight of my training. I’m surprised I had never noticed the group before since we run along the San Diego Harbor, right where I’ve done almost all of my long runs since I’ve moved here!

Thanks Rock Runners for the support! And special thanks to my friend Stacey for making each session more fun and entertaining as we trod on for miles and miles!

Here Comes Raceday

I can’t believe that tomorrow is Friday, and the official start of race weekend! My friend Christina is coming in from San Francisco to run the Half Marathon and I’m so excited for her visit! We are planning on going to dinner at my new favorite restaurant tomorrow night (Café Sevilla – most AMAZING tapas ever!), we’ll carbo load on pasta somewhere Saturday night, and then Sunday morning is the big day!

Sadly the race start time was moved up and the race now starts at 6:15am. :o( I will probably have to get up at 4am to have enough time to have coffee and breakfast and to allow enough time to digest. Luckily I live only a couple miles from the start and we won’t have to go far to get there.

Support

Please send good thoughts and prayers for me this weekend! I have tried so many times to break 4 hours and its killing me each time I miss it. I know that I have the physical fitness to do it, I just need to have the confidence in myself to keep pushing myself when I’m tired. My mantra during the race will be stay confident, feel strong, have fun, and be grateful. I know I can do it, I just haven’t yet done it.