Why I Run Marathons

As my next marathon approaches, I've been thinking a lot about why I run, and more specifically why I run marathons. I ran my first half marathon (Rock N Roll Phoenix) in January of 2005 as a way to quit smoking. I ran my first full marathon after that (Rock N Roll San Diego) in June of 2005 to see if I could actually do it.
After that I ran another marathon to see if I could finish with a better time, and all of my subsequent marathons have involved chasing down that time goal. 

Hot Mess After My 1st Marathon

There are a lot of things about marathon training that I really like. You set a goal, you create a plan, you commit to that plan, you work hard, you adjust your plan when you stumble, you put yourself to the test on one big day, and you celebrate your victories. The goal setting and planning is part of what I like so much about marathons, but more of what keeps bringing me back is a need for achievement. I've been an achiever my whole life, and marathon training and running fits into that perfectly.

Finishing RNRSD - Current PR 4:00:32

I remember one night in particular years ago that really made me think about marathons and achievement. I was out on New Years Eve having a conversation about various things, and the topic finally settled on my marathon running. The person I was with looked me square in the eyes and said to me "Monika, I think you keep running marathons just to prove to everyone that you're better than them." My heart stopped and my eyes almost popped out of my head. I searched that person's face to see if they were A - joking, or B - trying to me mean. Neither was the case. They sat there looking at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to agree with them. As I realized that this wasn't a joke, I suddenly had a horrible feeling. This person didn't get me at all. They didn't understand the core of what I'm about. Sadly, this person was my husband at the time. After being together for six years, he had no idea who I really was.

I brushed off the topic and we continued on with our night, but that moment has haunted me for years. I don't run marathons to prove that I'm better than people. In fact, its almost the exact opposite. I run marathons to prove to myself that I'm good enough. I want to know that I can try to do something difficult and achieve it.

Growing up I was pushed a LOT. Thanks to Amy Chua's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, the idea of a tiger mom is fairly well known now. I grew up under a tiger mom who pushed me constantly to exceed. She had my best interests in mind, but I think it might have been in a short-sited way. My mom was obsessed with pushing me to do things younger and younger. I started school with first grade when I was 5 (because according to my mom Kindergarten was a silly American way of calling finger-painting "school)", I skipped fifth grade and started middle school when I was 9, I ended up starting high school at the ripe age of 12, and I was off to college hundreds of miles from home a few months after turning 16. Along the way I was pressured and pushed to always do my best, and to then do better than that. 

Dressed Up Like a Go Getter

 

(In the center, flanked by my cousins)

I'm reading Bart Yasso's book right now and in it he tells the story of how he qualified for the Boston Marathon and finished the race in 2:40. He called his father to share his accomplishment, and his father asked why he hadn't won, and told him he needed to train harder. Hmm, I think I know how he must have felt.

After being pushed so much growing up, once I was released to go off to college, I continued to push myself in the same manner. I pursued my dream of majoring in Engineering, and put every ounce of energy I had into studying and completing my Mechanical Engineering degree. Undergrad was horrendously hard for me. Maybe just because the major was hard, or maybe because I started when I was only 16, but I struggled throughout my 4 1/2 years at UCSB. When I finally graduated (at 20!) I thought my mom would be impressed. Taking note from Bart's fathers mentality, she told me how she was disappointed because she had always dreamed of having a "real child prodigy" who could finish college by 16. Sigh.

Proudest Moment of My Life

Once I entered the real world my mom stepped back from my life, and it was now up to me to push myself. I was so used to trying so hard to be the best at everything or to constantly cross a certain line or achievement that I worked like crazy at my job the first few years. After a few years when I got comfortable with things though, I didn't feel like I was being challenged enough. So I decided that I should go back to school. While I was in  grad school I was working at a start-up and balancing working 80 hours a week with going to school at night. I was run ragged and exhausted all of the time, but being pushed to the limit is what felt natural to me. Upon graduation I felt a bit lost. My company filed Chapter 11 about a month later and suddenly I was both out of a job AND out of school. Luckily I found a job soon after, but with normal 40 hour work weeks I didn't feel like I was doing enough to maximize my time and test my limits. Two months after starting this job is when I started training for my first half marathon. And the obsession to test my body and improve my race times hasn't let up since. 

The Next Era of My Career - Marketing

(I'm in the center holding a bag)

I've gotten to the point in the past few years where I've just about plateaued in my marathon training. Although I want to run faster I don't have it in me to commit to train that much harder.  I'm like a person who wants to lose weight but doesn't want to change their eating habits. I only run about 30 miles a week. My friends who have qualified for Boston are running close to 60 miles a week. Two workouts in a day? No thank you. Last year after a terrible burnout marathon I decided to try to test myself in a different way. I signed up for my first triathlon! I had terrible fears to overcome before the race. I hated swimming, I am a major germ freak and didn't like the open water, I was terrified of falling off my bike,  and I was worried about doing something new and doing something poorly. My first race turned out great though and I signed up for a few more triathlons after that. I've had a number of mediocre triathlons since that first one (exactly a year ago this weekend!) and now I've decided that my next year's goals will be to improve my speed on the shorter distances, and then work my way up to a longer distance triathlon (namely a 70.3 Half Ironman). 

 My First Triathlon

After that, who knows what will be next? I doubt I will ever want to do a Full Ironman (the hours you need to train are ridiculous!), so I wonder what I will need to do to feel accomplished once I meet these other two triathlon goals. Maybe I'll move onto some other life focus after that either personally or professionally. I wonder what that will be, and I can't wait to try to be the best at it. ;o)